Welcome to John Adams High...where you are gonna die...

"Well, I'll get as sick as you can without actually dying."

"Shawn is still your roommate! Together, you can make the rent."

5 Things You May Have Forgotten...

Jawbreaker

I just saw this on TV a couple of weeks ago for the first time since I was obsessed with it in the eighth grade. Calling it a precursor to Mean Girls would be an understatement; it's practically the original version with some murder thrown in. It had the makeover, the malicious postering of the high school, and my first encounter with the magnificent Judy Greer (as Fern Mayo, I mean, Vylette). Definitely worth another watch.

That Vince Vaughn can do serious

Wedding Crashers be damned, the man can play intense and sinister convincingly. He played Norman Bates in the Anne Heche remake of Psycho (which obviously doesn't even compare to the original), but he's got that tall leery thing going on that totally works. He also played an FBI agent opposite J.Lo in The Cell, which, by the way, is a great creepy Halloween flick.

Working

I used to watch this sitcom all the time when I was younger, even though I'm sure I didn't understand 70% of the jokes. Starring Fred Savage of The Wonder Years fame, and with Debi Mazar, this was my first sitcom in which the characters work all day but never actually work. So, I'd pinpoint it as my first contributor to a somewhat wavering work ethic.

Ethan Embry

Can't Hardly Wait, That Thing You Do!, White Squall, Empire Records, S

weet Home Alabama- all top notch. But where are you now, Ethan? The last big thing I saw you in was a ridiculous ABC Family movie because I certainly didn't watch The Brotherhood. I demand more of your naive, boyish charm pronto! P.S. If you haven't seen Dancer, Texas Pop. 81, queue it up immediately (although it is possible you have to be a 13-year-old girl to appreciate it as much as I did when I was a 13-year-old girl).

Dick

Get your mind out of the gutter; I'm talking about the Kirsten Durst-Michelle Williams flick set in the early 70's. They play two flighty girls who become Nixon's official dog walkers and end up having a large impact on Watergate, the Vietnam War, and Nixon's resignation. More importantly, Woodward and Bernstein are played by...wait for it...Will Ferrell and Bruce McCulloch (McCulloch played Tobin in Gilmore Girls and was in Kids in the Hall). Can't be beat.

The Daves I Know

JonathanTheGreat | MySpace Video

Sadly, there are no Taylor Swift lyrics that correspond to this video.

P.S. Taylor will be hosting SNL on November 7th.

P.P.S. Speculation grows about her relationship with Taylor Lautner. Also, my excitement.

Quotent Quotables.

I got that after we shot Clerks. I'd broken up with a girl and was feeling blue so I was drinking a lot of boxed Zinfandel. My friend was like: "That's awesome, man – why did you get it?" I said: "Because I'm always late, right?" He goes: "That's the White Rabbit." So I have the Mad Hatter on my arm and it has no significance whatsoever, except to remind me not to drink wine out of a box.

Kevin Smith on his Mad Hatter tattoo.

(Guardian via Jezebel)

Why I love Aziz Ansari.

Who's Aziz Ansari, you ask? Well, he's in Parks and Recreation with Amy Poehler, and he was in Human Giant. What's Human Giant, you ask?

I'm a Mouse, Duh: Worst Halloween Costumes 2009

As Cady Heron once said, "Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut, and no other girls can say anything about it." This has gone way too far, as I learned when I browsed the costumes at Buycostumes.com. Here are some of the most horrifying and offensive (to your eyes, your religion, your socio-economic class, your sex, and your ethnicity) costumes.

I'm confused. Are you supposed to bring the platform around with you everywhere? Is the platform actually a giant set of shoes? If you go to a club, does the platform double as a hat so people will actually know what you are? If a trophy wife falls in the forest, does it make a noise?

She did it all for the nookie.

I don't think you could possibly get a clearer definition of objectification. Or a better excuse to wear a waterbra.

For that time when you just can't say "I'm dressed like a prostitute!" clearly enough.

Confused again. Why would someone want to appear...smart? Does not compute.

Also, uh, we matriculate a lot.

Also, some joke about Freddie Prinze Jr. in She's All That.

The Mary costume is better when you see what's next to it on the website...

Now, if you want to go the religious route but Mary's just a bit too biblical for you, try one of these.

What is the deal with the sleeves on the left one? It looks like the Sleeve Monster threw up on her.

And finally, the giant oven costume you've always wanted so that everyone at the club/party/haunted castle you're at knows that you're pregnant, desperate for children, or happened to eat a lot today.

A dream is a wish your heart makes.

Tina Fey and John Stamos just happened to be at Disney World on the same day back in March. On a related note, it costs $89.99 to get a 24" by 36" oversize color poster (on heavy weight coated paper, mounted on foam board and laminated) at FedEx Office.