I'm Mac. I go to school with 500 chicks.

When I was 11, I couldn't get enough of romantic comedies. I seriously would have sacrificed a package of gel pens to see Meg Ryan star in a modernized version of a Shakespeare play with a Liz Phair-stuffed soundtrack. These days I can barely stomach ROMCOMS- which often contain neither a whiff of romance nor a hint of comedy- mostly because they're the same formulaic bullcrap that's been digested and repackaged over and over again. Y'know.

HOWEVER, there is one important and never-forgotten factor that makes these I Hate You BUT REALLY I LOVE YOU crapfests worth watching: the Sassy Best Friend (including subcategories Sassy Gay Friend, Sassy Black Friend, and Sassy Sister Friend). Sassy Best Friend is entertaining because he or she is everything the protagonist is not. Sassy Best Friend is not a bundle of neuroses on the noble quest for a good man; usually, he or she pretty much just wants to get laid. More importantly, while the protagonist denies his or her feelings ("I'm not bajiggity! You are SO bajiggity."), the sassy best friend is blunt past the point of rudeness and often past the point of needing a doctor's prescription.

Here are my top five sassy best friends. Okay, technically there are six.

Honorable Mention: Rosie O'Donnell, Sleepless in Seattle

A movie! That's your problem. You don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie.

If I recall correctly, Rosie's character casually referenced her mutually abusive relationship with "her Rick" the whole movie and still seemed more sane and level-headed then Meg Ryan's character.

5. Bonnie Hunt, Jerry Maguire

Don't cry at the beginning of a date. Cry at the end, like I do.

Bonnie Hunt, I love you.

4. Joan Cusack, Runaway Bride

I can't find the video clip, so here's the best quote...which is really long.

Maggie: I'm going to kill myself.

Peggy (Sassy Best Friend): Why?

Maggie: Because you think I'm all like... "Hey man, check me out."

Peggy: No, I think you're like, "I'm charming and mysterious in a way that even I don't understand and something about me is crying out for protection from a big man like you." Very hard to compete with. Especially to us married women who have lost our mystery.

Maggie: But you haven't lost your mystery! You're very mysterious!

Peggy: No, I'm weird. Weird and mysterious are two different things.

Maggie: But I'm weird.

Peggy: No, you're quirky. Quirky and weird are two different things.

3. Judy Greer, 27 Dresses

Hey, do you want to come over to my place before the party? Some of the guys from shipping are coming, and they're bringing tequila and bubble wrap.

Judy Greer, always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

2. Lisa Kudrow, P.S. I Love You

1. Zooey Deschanel, Failure to Launch

The only watchable scenes of the movie...