Yeah, I bet you wish you could turn back time, Gaga.

Now that Lady Gaga's had a handful of hit singles, the general public has finally warmed up to her eccentric style. For a while there, we all just sat watching her in awe, wondering how she didn't collapse under the enormous weight of the gallons of hair spray keeping her hair-bow, hair-telephone, or hair-wide-brimmed-hat in place. And I wonder to myself, why? We've seen this all before; haven't you people even heard of Cher?!

First, Gaga was all, hey girl, I'm all chill with my crazy bleach blond curls and my collared shirt. BAM. Yeah, Cher did that.

Then Gaga was all, hey girl, I got me some crazy hats, so beat that. WHA-POW. Cher did that. She did that...on her own show...with a young Bette Midler.

Gaga then was like, hey girl, I know you got Midler and crazy hats, but NO REALLY, I've got some goddamn, crazy, sparkly hats. And Cher responds with a sparkly Cleopatra bitchslap.

And so, Gaga stepped up her game, and was all, hey girl, I'm about fashion, but I'm about shock and awe too. Check out my killer bikini wax! And Cher said, PLEASE.

And then Gaga pulled out all the stops. She was like, hey girl, I superglued together everything I've bought from Hobby Lobby in the past twelve years and dyed my hair with strawberry-scented markers, BOO-YA. Her majesty Cher responded, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, and at the Oscars, no less.

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P.S. Gaga, it's not because I hate you. It's because I just love Cher so much.

Why are things so heavy in the future? Is there a problem with the Earth's gravitational pull?

We are living in the future. I know this not because I can check sports scores while flying through the air or because a tiny screen can tell me where I am and how to get home in a myriad of different languages. No, I know we're living in the future because of Lady Gaga. She is everything we always thought the future would be, especially in her new video for Bad Romance.

IN THE FUTURE:

1. Everyone will wear clothes that are essentially complex seatbelts. (The Fifth Element)

2. Everyone's clothes, surrounding environments, and person-sized capsules will be white. Unless they're another color, in which case they will be gold, silver, or shiny. (Sleeper. Oh, and every other movie that's set in the future. But Sleeper has Woody Allen. And an orgasmatron.)

3. At one point in the future, you will be naked, and your back will be freaky to look at. (The Matrix)

4. Everyone's eyes will be insanely huge. (Wall-E)

5. You will look like a robot. You will dress like a robot. You will sing like a robot. You will dance like a robot. You will have giant rings around you like a robot. (Metropolis)

6. The end of the future will make no sense. (2001: A Space Odyssey)

And finally, Bad Romance...