A Thorough List of Terms and Phrases Used by the Main Characters in the First Season of Dawson's Creek That Real 15-Year-Olds Would Never Use

theoretics

orgasmic

wet brain

disparaging

simp

apotheosis

with a heavy allegorical slant

overzealous

bluster

resuscitation of my sins

disengage this friendship

jurassic notion

fornicating

unredeemable

rectify my belligerent ways

apoplectic

elicit

cataclysmic

wanton

punitive

cockamamie

simpletons

incarceration

languishing somewhere in TV obscurity

blatant

statute of limitations on angst

youthful indiscretion

verbiage

carouse

residual

scholastically inept

buffoonery

blight

contrived

analyzing our sad little adolescent lives

This makes me very sad because two of these episodes with such easily-mocked dialogue were written by Rob Thomas, a.k.a. personally beloved Veronica Mars writer.

Also, a quick note:

The quality of filming of the first few episodes is horrific. Between the glaring positioning discrepancies between shots, visible microphones, and clearly audible shuffling of the crew during quiet heart-to-hearts, Dawson could actually do a better job.

I leave you with this fantastic quote.

"Have you realized it's been nearly two weeks since Jen and I broke up, and not once has she made an effort to get together?"