Suit Up! with Mindy Kaling and Winona Ryder

Another double suit up day!

Mindy Kaling getting measured on The Ellen Degeneres Show.

Way to channel Johnny Depp AND rock the middle part, Winona. Love it.

Winona Ryder at the New York premiere of Black Swan held Tuesday, November 30, 2010.

It's time for a...

Anna and Josh Duggar are expecting a baby in June 2011. More good news: You can do Duggar puzzles here.

A Thorough List of Terms and Phrases Used by the Main Characters in the First Season of Dawson's Creek That Real 15-Year-Olds Would Never Use

theoretics

orgasmic

wet brain

disparaging

simp

apotheosis

with a heavy allegorical slant

overzealous

bluster

resuscitation of my sins

disengage this friendship

jurassic notion

fornicating

unredeemable

rectify my belligerent ways

apoplectic

elicit

cataclysmic

wanton

punitive

cockamamie

simpletons

incarceration

languishing somewhere in TV obscurity

blatant

statute of limitations on angst

youthful indiscretion

verbiage

carouse

residual

scholastically inept

buffoonery

blight

contrived

analyzing our sad little adolescent lives

This makes me very sad because two of these episodes with such easily-mocked dialogue were written by Rob Thomas, a.k.a. personally beloved Veronica Mars writer.

Also, a quick note:

The quality of filming of the first few episodes is horrific. Between the glaring positioning discrepancies between shots, visible microphones, and clearly audible shuffling of the crew during quiet heart-to-hearts, Dawson could actually do a better job.

I leave you with this fantastic quote.

"Have you realized it's been nearly two weeks since Jen and I broke up, and not once has she made an effort to get together?"

It's the millennium; motives are incidental.

"Right, but then Logan was getting way too into the gang wars,

and my dad kicked him out of the house, and then I started dating Duncan."

"Again?"

"Yeah. But what I didn't know is that he had knocked up his really

religious comatose girlfriend, and so he had to flee to Australia with the baby."

"Oh."

So pumped.

I kinda hope Neve Campbell dies in this one.

Also, Scream franchise, do you not remember that the film-class-to-explain-everything has been done before...by you? And, that one had Joshua Jackson. And Buffy.

Starts at 4:27.

I can't count the reasons I should stay.

In 2007, Gillian Jacobs (Community) and Anna Chlumsky (My Girl) were in a Mean Girls-esque play together. Above is the best photo ever. There's also a 13-minute long interview with them about the play (not worth watching), and this is where I learned that their names are pronounced GILLian (hard G) and CLumsky (silent H). FYI.

HOW TO: Create a chick flick movie poster in minutes!

1. A white background is essential. It symbolizes the vast abyss where a plot should be. Add a slight gradient if you're feeling dangerous, but be warned, cityscapes (Just Like Heaven, The Object of My Affection) and blurry whirlwinds of emotion (Forces of Nature, Serendipity) are really advanced stuff and not to be taken lightly. Like witchcraft.

2. Add protagonist(s) looking coy and flirty or shocked at love! Hands on the hips for extra sass.

OR

Add couple and position them in a way that's a metaphor for their relationship. Can't go wrong with a classic "back-to-back" or any other pose commonly found in prom pictures.

3. You're allowed one prop. It can be flowers, bags (purses and luggage included), or an animal.

4. Title that bitch up! Remember: the human heart is red and pumps 74 gallons of love per day; therefore, your text must be red or pink. Science.

5. The catchphrase is the most important part. Without it, how would the audience know that, "The only risk in taking an adventure is not taking it at all," and other things that don't make sense?

Ta-da! A perfect movie poster! One of a kind...of.

You're tacky, and I hate you.

Let's get right down to business.

REASONS I HATE THIS MOVIE:

Strike 1:

I'm sorry, did they kill off Christina Hendricks in the first twenty minutes? Frickin' really? Unless you intend to bring her back through a series of hallucinations that are caused by your brain tumor, I'm not interested.

Strike 2:

Life As We Know It? ARE YOU SERIOUS? Oh, for a second there, I got you confused with the late eighties family dramedy with the girl from The Face on the Milk Carton movie and the boy that had Down syndrome. No? Then you must be the Angelina Jolie movie where she plays a reporter who has a week to live, according to a homeless Tony Shalhoub. STILL NO? Then you must be the 2004 high school TV drama with Kelly Osbourne and Piz from Veronica Mars? NOT THAT ONE EITHER? OH, THEN YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO BE THE ONE WITH THE MOST UNORIGINAL, NONDESCRIPTIVE, AND OVERUSED TITLE EVER CREATED? Yes, that's the one.

Strike 3:

Let's do a little plot summary:

1. Relative dies and leaves single person(s) with child. Enter bodily function-related shenanigans. Single person(s) becomes slightly less selfish, slightly more responsible. Child(ren) become at peace with their parent(s) death and completely well-adjusted in the course of an hour and forty minutes.

2. ALSO, Two hot people who hate each other are forced to spend time with one another due to unlikely circumstances. Hot Woman is high-strung and uppity, while Hot Man is the perpetual man-child bachelor. Hot Man points out Hot Woman's fatal flaw, about which she has been in denial for, oh, say 28 years. Hot Woman realizes Hot Man is not such a bad guy after all. Kiss kiss, bang bang.

Now, let's make lists.

1.

Raising Helen

Baby Boom

No Reservations

Summerland

2.

27 Dresses

The Proposal

Runaway Bride

Sweet Home Alabama

Two Weeks Notice

Music and Lyrics

...every other movie ever...

Bonus Strike 4:

Your typography sucks. But I'll get to that one later.

In case I wasn't clear, the chances of me paying $9.00 to see this movie is just about even with the chances that Sonny Bono will rise from the dead, tell me that he's really into bigamy and time machines now- he's been watching a lot of TLC- and he wants to bring me back to 1970 to be both his and Cher's wife. Of course, Cher will give birth to Winona Ryder, I'll give birth to Christina Ricci, and then we'll paint our bedrooms and have a dance party.