Thursday, February 25, 2010

Music Video Mathmatix.

The set from The Lakehouse. And Pride & Prejudice. And Dawson's Creek. And The Notebook.



Using the sky as a metaphor for YOUR LOVE.
(See also: Emily Osment's new video. Oh, and everything ever.)


Miley's new teen love ballad.

Note: Don't watch this whole video. I'm almost positive it's just the first 20 seconds on a loop. While watching some entertainment news show tonight, I learned that the music video is helping promote her new movie (of the same plot). And, not ten seconds after I thought, "Wow, this looks like a Nicholas Sparks novel," it was revealed to be based on a Nicholas Sparks novel. Ten bucks says he teaches her how to drive stick shift.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Can you buy ecstasy on Diagon Alley?

If you've never heard of Skins, it's a British program that follows a handful of teens as they cope with the stresses of life by getting drunk, vomiting, doing drugs, vomiting, having sex, and vomiting. It's fantastic. Here's the season 1 trailer.

(Note: Yes, that was the kid from Slumdog Millionaire.)

I also have a little theory about's what the Harry Potter series would be like if all the characters were real people (at least for the first two seasons). And by real people, I mean an entirely new set of fictional people.

In the beginning of Skins, our protagonist is Tony Stonem (the series then focuses on one character per episode, but that's unimportant right now). Tony is exactly what Harry Potter would be if he were a real person- how do I put this- a total dick. He's played by Nicholas Hoult, who, apart from being a stone cold fox, is also the actor who played the awkward little kid in About a Boy. Think about it. A little boy that everyone loves who drops off the radar when he's young and then shows up as a teen in school? Yeah, that's Harry Potter.

Harry's bff, Ron Weasley, finds his Skins counterpart in Sid, (obviously, Tony's best friend). Tell me this isn't a conversation real-life Harry and Ron would have...

Tony (Harry): Tonight we go to a party and you finally pop the cherry. You finally get the VIP tour of Neverland. You finally...
Sid (Ron): Fuck off. Not "finally."
Tony: Well, it's embarrassing.
Sid: It's common and quite normal for someone of sixteen...
Tony: No. It's embarrassing, Sid.
Sid: Shit. Alright, how?
Tony: We go to the party, and we get a girl catastrophically spliffed up. In her confused state, she comes to believe, however momentarily, that you are attractive enough to shag.

Note: To the best of my knowledge, "getting spliffed up" is the equivalent of being under a babbling curse, a confundus charm, and a jelly-brain jinx...with a hankering to accio some snacks immediately.

Skins has a Luna Lovegood too- Cassie. In addition to looking exactly like Luna, she's suicidal and is a (sometimes) recovering anorexic. Granted, this isn't exactly the same as losing your shoes and talking about nargles all the time, but, hey, J.K. Rowling loves a good metaphor.

The one person Tony doesn't constantly put down and manipulate is his younger sister Effy. I know this is going to a weird place cause Harry and Ginny are an item in the books, but for the purposes of this post, Effy is a real-life Ginny Weasley. They both have fabulous names, and at one point, Tony has to save Effy from the real world version of a basilisk under the control of the memory of an evil lord in a secret lair. Meaning, Effy gets kidnapped by Tony's ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend and is given too many drugs at a country club rave. TOTALLY THE SAME.

Oh, and if you're still not convinced, let's take a look at the shared plot points:
  • ODing = being petrified
  • driving your car into a river = flying your car into an enchanted tree
  • getting your clarinet broken = getting your wand broken
  • having your dad die in the middle of the night = having your godfather vanish through a mysterious curtain
  • getting pregnant and then having an abortion without knowing that your boyfriend has a congenital disorder that causes him to suffer from subarachnoid hemorrhages = wait, what?

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Michelle Trachtenberg and James Van Der Beek are friends.

Or at least they will be until he finds her journal that says some true but hurtful things about his dad's financial status.

My Stepson Is My Cyber-Husband.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Celebrity couples that don't make me want to claw my eyes out with dull forks.

( opposed to the wildly popular option of sharp forks.)

I would really like to see Valentine's Day 2, People Who Don't Suck with this cast of real-life couples...

Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman
They double date with Amy Poehler and Will Arnett.* Also, you probably know Nick Offerman from Parks and Recreation, but he also played Bo (Jackson's brother) on Gilmore Girls. You know...the one who thought Loralei was a nympho...he came into town for the double baptism?

Because I don't think they're the type of couple that does duets for their friends at parties. No seriously, click that link.

Claire Danes and Hugh Dancy
Because if she was being held in a Thai prison under false drug trafficking charges, he'd find a way to get her out of it.

Ione Skye and Ben Lee
TMZ reports: He gave her his heart, and she gave him a pen.

Anna Faris and Chris Pratt
I have a love/hate relationship with Anna Faris, but anyone who is good enough for Bright Abbott is good enough for me.

Isla Fisher and Sacha Baron Cohen
You know the scene in Wedding Crashers where Isla Fisher and Vince Vaughn meet and dance up a storm? I feel like she and Sacha Baron Cohen would do that in real life.

Samantha Bee and Jason Jones
Yep, they're married. With a kid. I bet Jon Stewart baby-sits for them.

*Not included in this list because, come on, they're just a given.

Thursday, February 4, 2010