Friday, December 25, 2009

He may not be a movie star, but when it comes to being happy, we are.


Apparently, a woman jumped a barrier and dragged down the Pope on Christmas Eve. Let me first say that I'm glad the Pope was unharmed in this incident, and my best wishes go out to the cardinal whose hip was fractured in the attack.

However, I must admit that when I first saw the footage (first ten to fifteen seconds)...



...I immediately thought of this...


Maybe there was just someone on the other side of the aisle that had plans to get themselves killed by vampires. There's totally something about that in the Book of Revelation, right?

Thursday, December 17, 2009

One of these things is EXACTLY THE SAME as the other...


This is Selena Gomez's music video for "Naturally." Watch as much as your eyes can handle, and then move on to the next one.



Her video seems so familiar. Oh wait...

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Be the Jessica to my Elizabeth? If my name was Elizabeth? And we were twins?


In all the Twilight hubbub, one delightful actress has slipped through the shirtlessness-obsessed, anxious hands of Twihards everywhere. Anna Kendrick, who played Jessica in both the first and second installations of the TWILIGHT SAGA, is gaining popularity as well as my undying love.

She probably got the best deal out of all the actors in the TWILIGHT SAGA, as she gained much of the fame that the main characters did, got to be in one of the highest grossing films of the year, and yet she managed to avoid getting dangerously stalked...except by me, of course. Also, it's common knowledge that characters that aren't trapped in a bottomless pit of angst don't get many lines in the Twilight movies, but she really stole the show with her lines in New Moon.

Now she's starring opposite George Clooney in Up In The Air, and her performance has earned her a Golden Globe nomination. Oh, and she's the second youngest Tony nominee. Y'know, no big.

After I heard all this, I liked her, but it wasn't until after I saw her interview on Jay Leno last night that I officially began my Amanda-Please-style infatuation. During the face-to-face interview, Kendrick likened herself to Scrappy Doo, scolded Jay for being a road-douche, and evaded Leno's semi-vulgar innuendos with "What kind of girl do you think I am?" Later, she participates in Leno's car race, and he continues to ask her ridiculous questions while she's driving A REAL CAR. She responds, and I paraphrase, Dude, I'm not going to answer your questions right now; I am driving a car.

Hey, Anna, if you want to hang out, I promise I won't ditch you to endanger myself in order to hallucinate about my ex-boyfriend. Promise.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Friday, December 11, 2009

Breaking News: MTV Regains 'Crap Monkey' Status


Apparently, I spoke too soon. It's On with Alexa Chung will NOT be returning after it's December 17th season finale. There is only one way I can fully communicate my feelings on this subject...


Thursday, December 10, 2009

This Just In: MTV NOT a Hellmouth...



Y'know, I lost my faith in MTV a long time ago due to their horrific programming that rarely includes actual music. Alexa Chung made me pause and reconsider this stance over the summer, but all her good work was quickly undone by Jersey Shore and the fact that The Hills has been picked up for ANOTHER SEASON. However, it turns out that MTV will start playing old Buffy, the Vampire Slayer episodes in the new year, beginning with an 18-hour marathon on New Year's Day. It's a slow climb to decency, MTV, but you're off on the right foot.

I'm almost positive that I have a signed copy of the photo above somewhere in my house...if only I knew where.


Monday, December 7, 2009

Suit (Dress) Up! with Julianne Moore



Julianne Moore at the screening of A Single Man held Sunday, December 6, 2009.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Hey now, hey now, this is what dreams are made of...



Although the cast of When in Rome has me drooling all over my keyboard, I fear it will, in fact, be an hour and 40 minute long reminder that Kristen Bell is not actually Veronica Mars.

P.S. Dear Mr. or Ms. Casting Director, I felt dirty when Alexis Dziena (Bell's character's sister) was being all sexy in Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, and now she's playing a bride? That gives me a weird this-should-be-illegal feeling, and, oh hey, the only physical similarity she has with Bell is her height. K THANX.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Music Video Mathmatix: Fireflies


Sid's Room from Toy Story.

+

Creepjob alone in his room playing the organ.

+

A dash of The Postal Service.

=


Saturday, November 21, 2009

Clip of the Day



Thank you to Ben, from whom I stole this wondrous video.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Sarah! You look skinny! You should eat a sandwich!


What is Yo Gabba Gabba?
Yo Gabba Gabba is an awesome Nick Jr. show for preschoolers that artfully toes the line between blow-my-brains-hip-and-fun and acid-trip-unmarked-van-creepy.

What celebrities love Yo Gabba Gabba?
All celebrities love Yo Gabba Gabba, especially Brad Pitt, who dressed up as DJ Lance Rock for Halloween.

What can Yo Gabba Gabba teach ME?
Everything. My favorite lessons are "Don't bite your friends," and "Eating noodles is fun." Plus, Elijah Wood taught me how to do the marionette.





I like television, but I LOVE music. Can Yo Gabba Gabba give me what I need, or will it too kill the radio star?
The Aquabats, the Ting Tings, YGG has it all. Biz Markie (Oh, baby, you got what I need, but you say he's just a friend) even teaches you to beatbox! Nope. Not shitting you.

But, WHAT ABOUT AMY SEDARIS?
Yep, she guest starred on YGG too. She played Jerri Blank, playing the Tooth Fairy, playing the main character in the next sixth months of my nightmares. It was awesome.


Sunday, November 15, 2009

Can you say bangarang?


Corbin Bleu went as Rufio from Hook this past Halloween. I would eat imaginary food with him any day of the year.

Clips of the Day: These are my obsessions...


Aaron Carter, legwarmers, Two Princes. Obsessed.


Is it just me, or did that last part come straight out of N*SYNC's Bye Bye Bye? Nick's gonna be pissed.


Oh, hey, Nancy Sinatra. How did you know I drink RC for breakfast...out of a wine glass?


P.S. I like your white outfit and white house with no furniture. Very futuristic.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Suit (Dress) Up! with Amanda Peet


Amanda Peet on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon on Friday, November 13.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Don't break my heart, and I won't break your heart-shaped glasses.


I can't stop laughing at this.

Why are things so heavy in the future? Is there a problem with the Earth's gravitational pull?


We are living in the future. I know this not because I can check sports scores while flying through the air or because a tiny screen can tell me where I am and how to get home in a myriad of different languages. No, I know we're living in the future because of Lady Gaga. She is everything we always thought the future would be, especially in her new video for Bad Romance.

IN THE FUTURE:

1. Everyone will wear clothes that are essentially complex seatbelts. (The Fifth Element)

2. Everyone's clothes, surrounding environments, and person-sized capsules will be white. Unless they're another color, in which case they will be gold, silver, or shiny. (Sleeper. Oh, and every other movie that's set in the future. But Sleeper has Woody Allen. And an orgasmatron.)

3. At one point in the future, you will be naked, and your back will be freaky to look at. (The Matrix)

4. Everyone's eyes will be insanely huge. (Wall-E)

5. You will look like a robot. You will dress like a robot. You will sing like a robot. You will dance like a robot. You will have giant rings around you like a robot. (Metropolis)

6. The end of the future will make no sense. (2001: A Space Odyssey)


And finally, Bad Romance...

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Today is your lucky day. Forsooth, here are some videos.


In honor of the recent Sesame Street anniversary...




And now, page one of the I Can Do the Frug Literary Anthology...


or A Dance/Techno/House Song That Could Pass As Sappy Teenage Poetry.

What is love
Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
no more

Oh I don't know
why you're not fair
I give you my love
but you don't care

So what is right
and what is wrong
gimme a sign

Oh I don't know
what can I do
what else can I say
it's up to you

I know we're one
just me and you
I can't go on

I want no other
No other love
This is your life
our time

When we are together
I need you forever
Is it love

Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
no more

~ Haddaway ~

Image found here.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Solid gold shit, maestro.


I believe I've already discussed the ridiculousness that is Valentine's Day. Well, here's the trailer.


First of all, why weren't the Taylors Swift and Lautner in that? Secondly, the only part of that video that looks remotely appealing is the Patrick Dempsey/Jennifer Garner pair-up, but my attraction to that couple is really just nostalgia for Lucky Number Seven (look it up). Thirdly, if Julia Roberts is playing Bradley Cooper's mother, I fully intend to knife a bitch.

Valentine's Day will probably be pretty decent but nothing new. The same old jokes, the same old cliched characters, and, obviously, the same old celebrities. Fear not, I have an equally star-stuffed alternative with slightly more promise!

Check out The Romantics instead. It's an independent comedy that's adapted from a novel, and it's about eight college friends who reunite for a wedding. Starring, wait for it...Katie Holmes, Anna Paquin, Josh Duhamel, Jeremy Strong, Malin Akerman, Elijah Wood, and Adam Brody. Yes plz.

Oh, you might want to put this on a post-it to remind yourself...because Valentine's Day will be released in February and The Romantics only begins shooting this week.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Welcome to John Adams High...where you are gonna die...



"Well, I'll get as sick as you can without actually dying."


"Shawn is still your roommate! Together, you can make the rent."

5 Things You May Have Forgotten...


Jawbreaker
I just saw this on TV a couple of weeks ago for the first time since I was obsessed with it in the eighth grade. Calling it a precursor to Mean Girls would be an understatement; it's practically the original version with some murder thrown in. It had the makeover, the malicious postering of the high school, and my first encounter with the magnificent Judy Greer (as Fern Mayo, I mean, Vylette). Definitely worth another watch.

That Vince Vaughn can do serious
Wedding Crashers be damned, the man can play intense and sinister convincingly. He played Norman Bates in the Anne Heche remake of Psycho (which obviously doesn't even compare to the original), but he's got that tall leery thing going on that totally works. He also played an FBI agent opposite J.Lo in The Cell, which, by the way, is a great creepy Halloween flick.

Working
I used to watch this sitcom all the time when I was younger, even though I'm sure I didn't understand 70% of the jokes. Starring Fred Savage of The Wonder Years fame, and with Debi Mazar, this was my first sitcom in which the characters work all day but never actually work. So, I'd pinpoint it as my first contributor to a somewhat wavering work ethic.

Ethan Embry
Can't Hardly Wait, That Thing You Do!, White Squall, Empire Records, S
weet Home Alabama- all top notch. But where are you now, Ethan? The last big thing I saw you in was a ridiculous ABC Family movie because I certainly didn't watch The Brotherhood. I demand more of your naive, boyish charm pronto! P.S. If you haven't seen Dancer, Texas Pop. 81, queue it up immediately (although it is possible you have to be a 13-year-old girl to appreciate it as much as I did when I was a 13-year-old girl).

Dick
Get your mind out of the gutter; I'm talking about the Kirsten Durst-Michelle Williams flick set in the early 70's. They play two flighty girls who become Nixon's official dog walkers and end up having a large impact on Watergate, the Vietnam War, and Nixon's resignation. More importantly, Woodward and Bernstein are played by...wait for it...Will Ferrell and Bruce McCulloch (McCulloch played Tobin in Gilmore Girls and was in Kids in the Hall). Can't be beat.


Friday, October 30, 2009

Sadly, there are no Taylor Swift lyrics that correspond to this video.



P.S. Taylor will be hosting SNL on November 7th.
P.P.S. Speculation grows about her relationship with Taylor Lautner. Also, my excitement.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Quotent Quotables.

I got that after we shot Clerks. I'd broken up with a girl and was feeling blue so I was drinking a lot of boxed Zinfandel. My friend was like: "That's awesome, man – why did you get it?" I said: "Because I'm always late, right?" He goes: "That's the White Rabbit." So I have the Mad Hatter on my arm and it has no significance whatsoever, except to remind me not to drink wine out of a box.
Kevin Smith on his Mad Hatter tattoo.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Why I love Aziz Ansari.





Who's Aziz Ansari, you ask? Well, he's in Parks and Recreation with Amy Poehler, and he was in Human Giant. What's Human Giant, you ask?

Monday, October 19, 2009

I'm a Mouse, Duh: Worst Halloween Costumes 2009


As Cady Heron once said, "Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut, and no other girls can say anything about it." This has gone way too far, as I learned when I browsed the costumes at Buycostumes.com. Here are some of the most horrifying and offensive (to your eyes, your religion, your socio-economic class, your sex, and your ethnicity) costumes.

I'm confused. Are you supposed to bring the platform around with you everywhere? Is the platform actually a giant set of shoes? If you go to a club, does the platform double as a hat so people will actually know what you are? If a trophy wife falls in the forest, does it make a noise?






She did it all for the nookie.











I don't think you could possibly get a clearer definition of objectification. Or a better excuse to wear a waterbra.







For that time when you just can't say "I'm dressed like a prostitute!" clearly enough.









Confused again. Why would someone want to appear...smart? Does not compute.

Also, uh, we matriculate a lot.

Also, some joke about Freddie Prinze Jr. in She's All That.












The Mary costume is better when you see what's next to it on the website...

Now, if you want to go the religious route but Mary's just a bit too biblical for you, try one of these.


What is the deal with the sleeves on the left one? It looks like the Sleeve Monster threw up on her.

















And finally, the giant oven costume you've always wanted so that everyone at the club/party/haunted castle you're at knows that you're pregnant, desperate for children, or happened to eat a lot today.











Friday, October 16, 2009

A dream is a wish your heart makes.



Tina Fey and John Stamos just happened to be at Disney World on the same day back in March. On a related note, it costs $89.99 to get a 24" by 36" oversize color poster (on heavy weight coated paper, mounted on foam board and laminated) at FedEx Office.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

More good grammar via Twitter...



I love you, Elizabeth Banks, even if you do taste like a burger.

Clip of the Day


If you don't watch 30 Rock, Liz snuck into Floyd's AA meeting and heard all of his private relationship issues, and this is her evening the score.

Friday, October 9, 2009

So. Freaking. Excited.


I just heard about these two new projects, and I can't wait.

Crossroads remake?

Kristen Bell will star as Christina Aguilera's rival in "Burlesque," Screen Gems' musical drama being directed by Steve Antin. "Burlesque" centers on the journey of an ambitious small-town girl (Aguilera) with a big-town voice who finds love and success in a Los Angeles neo-burlesque club, reminiscent of the nightclub in Bob Fosse's "Cabaret." (Aguilera has guested in cabarets for the Pussycat Dolls.)

Bell will play Nikki, the loose-cannon lead dancer and main attraction at the club who spirals out of control when Aguilera's character suddenly gets the spotlight.

Already cast are Cher as the nightclub owner and Stanley Tucci as the man who helps turn Aguilera from bumpkin to bombshell.

(http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/film/news/e3i731d7f0f9e7e4ab1001fbc71fa57ee47)


State of Page?

Actress Ellen Page (Juno) adds TV writer-producer to her credits with ‘Stitch N' Bitch,' a comedy she created with her co-stars Alia Shawkat and Sean Tillmann from Whip It, currently in theaters and directed by Drew Barrymore.

The story follows a pair of hip girls moving from Brooklyn to LA to pursue their art. Page, an Oscar nominee for her breakthrough in Juno, is filming ‘Inception' opposite Leonardo DiCaprio.

(http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/ellen-page-to-write-and-produce-ldquostitchrsquonrsquobitchrsquo-for-hbo-1800062.html)

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Rose McGowan, let's be besties.


Sisters? Hallie, we're like twins!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Friday, October 2, 2009

And Lloyd Dobler thought that break-up was the end of the world...


I have stumbled onto a glorious mixture of some of my favorite guilty pleasures, but first, a note on scary movies:

I do not find horror movies that scary. I, like many of my peers, have become desensitized to violence and gruesome images over my two decades or so of television-watching. I watch horror movies for the adrenaline rush, oh, and of course for the incessant mocking of predictable story lines, careless choices made by the victims, and the occasional inclusion of Paris Hilton. Sure, these movies make me jump, but they don't truly scare me. This honor goes to the city disaster movies, not because the plots are more likely to happen- War of the Worlds isn't exactly in the urban forecast- but because of the state of panic and hopelessness which is sure to accompany a disaster in a city. The whole no transportation-no communication- everyone for him or herself thing is why movies like Cloverfield actually scare the crap out of me.

That being said, I cannot be more excited for the new film 2012.

Take John Cusack.
Add Amanda Peet.

Add the theory that the world will end in 2012 (A bunch of ancient societies, including the Mayans, predicted this, kindof but not really, according to theorists and the History Channel).


And make it a disaster movie, and I am in LOVE.