I'm a Mouse, Duh: Worst Halloween Costumes 2009

As Cady Heron once said, "Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut, and no other girls can say anything about it." This has gone way too far, as I learned when I browsed the costumes at Buycostumes.com. Here are some of the most horrifying and offensive (to your eyes, your religion, your socio-economic class, your sex, and your ethnicity) costumes.

I'm confused. Are you supposed to bring the platform around with you everywhere? Is the platform actually a giant set of shoes? If you go to a club, does the platform double as a hat so people will actually know what you are? If a trophy wife falls in the forest, does it make a noise?

She did it all for the nookie.

I don't think you could possibly get a clearer definition of objectification. Or a better excuse to wear a waterbra.

For that time when you just can't say "I'm dressed like a prostitute!" clearly enough.

Confused again. Why would someone want to appear...smart? Does not compute.

Also, uh, we matriculate a lot.

Also, some joke about Freddie Prinze Jr. in She's All That.

The Mary costume is better when you see what's next to it on the website...

Now, if you want to go the religious route but Mary's just a bit too biblical for you, try one of these.

What is the deal with the sleeves on the left one? It looks like the Sleeve Monster threw up on her.

And finally, the giant oven costume you've always wanted so that everyone at the club/party/haunted castle you're at knows that you're pregnant, desperate for children, or happened to eat a lot today.