Sunday, May 30, 2010

A Statistical Analysis of Lost: You Will Probably Get Shot and Die

(LOST SPOILER ALERT, but at this point, really?)

I just finished the sixth and final season of Lost, and I've put together a little statistical analysis to guide you in case you ever happen to crash land on a magical, constantly moving island that houses the light that is in all humans (sidenote: how very Quaker of you, Island).

(Disclaimer: The first three statistics are based on characters appearing in 50 episodes or more, not including children, Vincent the dog, or the pregnant women [Stick with them- at worst, their hands get cut from clenching their fists so hard. Seriously.] All of this violence happens on the island or in surrounding waters and does not include the first eight episodes. Accuracy is dependent on the amount of wine consumed while watching each episode...which is unable to be determined at this point.)
  • During your stay on the island, you will be kicked twice, hit with a blunt object- probably the butt of a rifle- three times, and punched an average of eight times.
  • You have a 52% percent chance of being shot and a 55% chance of dying.
  • You have an 86% chance of being taken prisoner.
  • If you appear in between ten and forty episodes, your chances of dying increase to 78%.
  • Sawyer is the object of the most violent acts, having been punched 27 times, so stay away from him. Or, I suppose you could stay near him, and have (probably) Jack punch him instead of you.
  • The amount of time you repeat the phrase, "Come on!" in addition to the rate of increase of volume while performing CPR is in direct relation to the probability of your subject regaining consciousness.
  • If a language barrier exists, the probability of your message magically becoming understandable to the receiver of your message greatly increases with every repetition (and a proportional increase in volume) of your message.
I wouldn't worry though; the island also comes with magical healing powers (and the magical giving and taking away of language), just in case you get headbutted in the face, which is quite common.

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