Sunday, September 19, 2010

There's going to be a Jesse Bradford teeth-brushing scene, right? RIGHT?

So, you saw the commercial for Hellcats, and you're thinking, hmm, I can't stand rich people or vampires, but I like bare midriffs. Maybe this show's for me! Let's take a look.

This is Marti. She's a badass, and we know from her constant bike-riding that she's poor. Also, because she said, " I ride my bike everywhere because these are tough times. Money's tight for me and my mom."

This is her alcoholic mom. We know that she's an alcoholic because of the bottles of booze behind her, and we know she's Marti's mom because they have the same hairstyle.

This is Ashley Tisdale's character whose name is not important because I'm just going to call her Sharpay. Sharpay and Marti don't get along at first, and Sharpay calls Marti "goth." Not only is this insult incredibly outdated, it's also inaccurate as Marti's style is technically classified as, "Britta from Community."

To practice for cheerleading tryouts, Marti pops in Bring It On for inspiration. Bring It On was also used for inspiration by the writers of Hellcats who wanted to practice getting sued for straight-up plot plagiarism.

Marti wows the judges at tryouts when she starts dancing like a crazy person. It's obvious that she's different from all the other candidates because of her sweet moves and her curly hair.

These are the kind of moves she busts. HELLCATSSSS.

This was actually pretty cool. If you can't tell, she's doing a handstand with her legs crossed facing the camera. And then she does an insane ass-out upside-down stomach crunch (technical term). Chances that Nastia Liukin is her tumbling double? Likely.

This is Marti's new love interest. Props to both Ashley Tisdale and Aly Michalka for graduating from Disney to a show that entertains the possibility of an interracial couple.

But wait! This is Marti's townie best friend. We know he's a townie because he's wearing flannel and works at "the docks"- I shit you not. We also know that, if he's not currently in love with Marti, he will realize that their lifelong friendship has quickly blossomed into a one-sided infatuation once he sees- and consequently feels threatened by- above hottie. How do we know all this? Duh, he's holding a camera. Also, Duckie over here practically said "Stay gold, Ponyboy" to her when she joined the squad. Seriously, dude?

So, let's recap. Marti's a badass. This is clear from her black nail polish, guitar-shaped luggage, and her could-be-a-boy's-name name. Oh, she also leans on trees. We've got a regular Jess Mariano on our hands here.

Let's face it, this show is probably for you. Especially if you like betting on how soon A.J. Michalka is going to make a cameo. And winning.

1 comment:

  1. You lost me at "you saw the commercial for Hellcats."