Saturday, October 31, 2009

Welcome to John Adams High...where you are gonna die...

"Well, I'll get as sick as you can without actually dying."

"Shawn is still your roommate! Together, you can make the rent."

5 Things You May Have Forgotten...

I just saw this on TV a couple of weeks ago for the first time since I was obsessed with it in the eighth grade. Calling it a precursor to Mean Girls would be an understatement; it's practically the original version with some murder thrown in. It had the makeover, the malicious postering of the high school, and my first encounter with the magnificent Judy Greer (as Fern Mayo, I mean, Vylette). Definitely worth another watch.

That Vince Vaughn can do serious
Wedding Crashers be damned, the man can play intense and sinister convincingly. He played Norman Bates in the Anne Heche remake of Psycho (which obviously doesn't even compare to the original), but he's got that tall leery thing going on that totally works. He also played an FBI agent opposite J.Lo in The Cell, which, by the way, is a great creepy Halloween flick.

I used to watch this sitcom all the time when I was younger, even though I'm sure I didn't understand 70% of the jokes. Starring Fred Savage of The Wonder Years fame, and with Debi Mazar, this was my first sitcom in which the characters work all day but never actually work. So, I'd pinpoint it as my first contributor to a somewhat wavering work ethic.

Ethan Embry
Can't Hardly Wait, That Thing You Do!, White Squall, Empire Records, S
weet Home Alabama- all top notch. But where are you now, Ethan? The last big thing I saw you in was a ridiculous ABC Family movie because I certainly didn't watch The Brotherhood. I demand more of your naive, boyish charm pronto! P.S. If you haven't seen Dancer, Texas Pop. 81, queue it up immediately (although it is possible you have to be a 13-year-old girl to appreciate it as much as I did when I was a 13-year-old girl).

Get your mind out of the gutter; I'm talking about the Kirsten Durst-Michelle Williams flick set in the early 70's. They play two flighty girls who become Nixon's official dog walkers and end up having a large impact on Watergate, the Vietnam War, and Nixon's resignation. More importantly, Woodward and Bernstein are played by...wait for it...Will Ferrell and Bruce McCulloch (McCulloch played Tobin in Gilmore Girls and was in Kids in the Hall). Can't be beat.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Sadly, there are no Taylor Swift lyrics that correspond to this video.

P.S. Taylor will be hosting SNL on November 7th.
P.P.S. Speculation grows about her relationship with Taylor Lautner. Also, my excitement.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Quotent Quotables.

I got that after we shot Clerks. I'd broken up with a girl and was feeling blue so I was drinking a lot of boxed Zinfandel. My friend was like: "That's awesome, man – why did you get it?" I said: "Because I'm always late, right?" He goes: "That's the White Rabbit." So I have the Mad Hatter on my arm and it has no significance whatsoever, except to remind me not to drink wine out of a box.
Kevin Smith on his Mad Hatter tattoo.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Why I love Aziz Ansari.

Who's Aziz Ansari, you ask? Well, he's in Parks and Recreation with Amy Poehler, and he was in Human Giant. What's Human Giant, you ask?

Monday, October 19, 2009

I'm a Mouse, Duh: Worst Halloween Costumes 2009

As Cady Heron once said, "Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut, and no other girls can say anything about it." This has gone way too far, as I learned when I browsed the costumes at Here are some of the most horrifying and offensive (to your eyes, your religion, your socio-economic class, your sex, and your ethnicity) costumes.

I'm confused. Are you supposed to bring the platform around with you everywhere? Is the platform actually a giant set of shoes? If you go to a club, does the platform double as a hat so people will actually know what you are? If a trophy wife falls in the forest, does it make a noise?

She did it all for the nookie.

I don't think you could possibly get a clearer definition of objectification. Or a better excuse to wear a waterbra.

For that time when you just can't say "I'm dressed like a prostitute!" clearly enough.

Confused again. Why would someone want to Does not compute.

Also, uh, we matriculate a lot.

Also, some joke about Freddie Prinze Jr. in She's All That.

The Mary costume is better when you see what's next to it on the website...

Now, if you want to go the religious route but Mary's just a bit too biblical for you, try one of these.

What is the deal with the sleeves on the left one? It looks like the Sleeve Monster threw up on her.

And finally, the giant oven costume you've always wanted so that everyone at the club/party/haunted castle you're at knows that you're pregnant, desperate for children, or happened to eat a lot today.

Friday, October 16, 2009

A dream is a wish your heart makes.

Tina Fey and John Stamos just happened to be at Disney World on the same day back in March. On a related note, it costs $89.99 to get a 24" by 36" oversize color poster (on heavy weight coated paper, mounted on foam board and laminated) at FedEx Office.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

More good grammar via Twitter...

I love you, Elizabeth Banks, even if you do taste like a burger.

Clip of the Day

If you don't watch 30 Rock, Liz snuck into Floyd's AA meeting and heard all of his private relationship issues, and this is her evening the score.

Friday, October 9, 2009

So. Freaking. Excited.

I just heard about these two new projects, and I can't wait.

Crossroads remake?

Kristen Bell will star as Christina Aguilera's rival in "Burlesque," Screen Gems' musical drama being directed by Steve Antin. "Burlesque" centers on the journey of an ambitious small-town girl (Aguilera) with a big-town voice who finds love and success in a Los Angeles neo-burlesque club, reminiscent of the nightclub in Bob Fosse's "Cabaret." (Aguilera has guested in cabarets for the Pussycat Dolls.)

Bell will play Nikki, the loose-cannon lead dancer and main attraction at the club who spirals out of control when Aguilera's character suddenly gets the spotlight.

Already cast are Cher as the nightclub owner and Stanley Tucci as the man who helps turn Aguilera from bumpkin to bombshell.


State of Page?

Actress Ellen Page (Juno) adds TV writer-producer to her credits with ‘Stitch N' Bitch,' a comedy she created with her co-stars Alia Shawkat and Sean Tillmann from Whip It, currently in theaters and directed by Drew Barrymore.

The story follows a pair of hip girls moving from Brooklyn to LA to pursue their art. Page, an Oscar nominee for her breakthrough in Juno, is filming ‘Inception' opposite Leonardo DiCaprio.


Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Rose McGowan, let's be besties.

Sisters? Hallie, we're like twins!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Friday, October 2, 2009

And Lloyd Dobler thought that break-up was the end of the world...

I have stumbled onto a glorious mixture of some of my favorite guilty pleasures, but first, a note on scary movies:

I do not find horror movies that scary. I, like many of my peers, have become desensitized to violence and gruesome images over my two decades or so of television-watching. I watch horror movies for the adrenaline rush, oh, and of course for the incessant mocking of predictable story lines, careless choices made by the victims, and the occasional inclusion of Paris Hilton. Sure, these movies make me jump, but they don't truly scare me. This honor goes to the city disaster movies, not because the plots are more likely to happen- War of the Worlds isn't exactly in the urban forecast- but because of the state of panic and hopelessness which is sure to accompany a disaster in a city. The whole no transportation-no communication- everyone for him or herself thing is why movies like Cloverfield actually scare the crap out of me.

That being said, I cannot be more excited for the new film 2012.

Take John Cusack.
Add Amanda Peet.

Add the theory that the world will end in 2012 (A bunch of ancient societies, including the Mayans, predicted this, kindof but not really, according to theorists and the History Channel).

And make it a disaster movie, and I am in LOVE.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

What the shiz, SNL?

F it, SNL! What are you doing? I have been defending you for YEARS now, and you go and screw up like this? Gah!

Listen, SNL, I've loved you ever since elementary school, when my dad said I couldn't watch The Ladies' Man* because it had too much sex in it. You've spawned every famous comedian from here to New Adventures of Old Christine, and I've always been behind you. When people told me you sucked, I still watched you, EVEN THOSE MAYA RUDOLPH-DONATELLA VERSACE SKETCHES.

And for a while, it didn't look good, BUT THEN, you stumbled onto a series of politcal sketches that were full of wonder, hilarity, and Tina Fey. Weekend Update had been funny since the beginning with Chevy Chase, but now life dealt you a group of politicians so cartoonish, you couldn't not make fun of them (in the non-WU time).

AND NOW, you've stolen that all away. Weekend Update Thursday, which by the way doesn't even make sense, has ripped all the political satire from what's that? SATURDAY NIGHT taking Amy Poehler (granted, she was gone a little earlier what with the birth of Archie and all) and Darrell Hammond with it.

What are you left with? Megan Fox? In the words of Seth and Amy, uh, really? REALLY? The only thing that people talked about after watching the SNL season premiere was the newbie dropping the f-bomb. And that's not gonna cut it. We all love a badass until Christian Slater tries to blow up the school, SNL. I'll be watching you...somewhat reluctantly.

Upcoming hosts and musical guests:
October 3 ~ Ryan Reynolds, Lady Gaga
October 10 ~ Drew Barrymore, Regina Spektor
October 17 ~ Gerard Butler, Shakira

And a clip, of course:

* I have no idea how to handle the titles of sketches grammatically and am too lazy to look it up. Actually, an observant person would tell you that I don't know how to deal with titles at all and just italicize everything.