Monday, January 26, 2009

Facebook ads, sometimes I feel like you just don't get me.

Facebook ads and I have an on-again, off-again relationship. One second, it's like they can hear every whisper of my soul, and the next, it's like they're not even listening. Please Facebook ads, I want to make it work. I've been reviewing our relationship so that we can both learn from our mistakes.

Textbook Savings
Stop by and save on new and used textbooks, DVDs, and more. Then take the money you saved and get what you want, like noodles.
Perfect. I love noodles. I had some today. This is the soul whispering I was referring to earlier.

Weight Loss Tips (with a picture of Taylor Swift's face)
Want to look like her by Spring Break? You can do it! Learn how Shauna slimmed down, and work toward your perfect body today! (A later one I saw had a picture of Jessica Alba, this time with the name Sandra).
First of all, I'm a little offended, but come on, who wouldn't want their abs to look like Taylor Swift's face? And then, I'm also offended for Taylor Swift because apparently this is the John Tucker of Facebook ads.

Renting Off Campus
While there may be snow on the ground it is time to start thinking about where you will live next fall. Visit SLS and get informed!
This ad is accompanied by a picture of the crappiest house I have ever seen. Think Taylor Devereau's beach house post-Beethoven ripping the front off. And no, I have no idea what SLS stands for.

Top Stretch Mark Therapy
Suffering from stretch marks that came about during a pregnancy are now easy to get rid of without surgery. Click here to find out how.
I also get a lot of ads about putting my baby up for adoption. New plan: have baby, sell on a Facebook ad, get rid of my stretch mark-induced suffering sans surgery. Totally perf.

Create a Taste
In this survey you can share your ideas for creating a flavor for a new contraceptive. Take part and help to develop a new product!
First of all, what is this NEW contraceptive? Something fruity, I assume. Secondly, I don't really think you want my help- I could never even decide which flavor I wanted for the fluoride treatment at the dentist's office. But let me tell you, if grape-flavored hysterectomy had been an option, there would've been no contest.

And now...for more contraception flavors!
Apple Abstinence - 100% delicious!
Strawberry-Banana Spermicide
The Pineapple Pill
Cotton Candy Condom
and just in case...
Plan Berrylicious!

Note: If you didn't get the Beethoven's 2nd reference, don't worry about it. I'm fairly certain only my siblings and I watched that film enough times to think that Rice is a normal name.


  1. hey girl, is this your way of telling me you sold our baby to taylor swift for noodles?

  2. Apple Abstinence should really taste awful. Because they'll never really find out.

  3. 1) i got the beethoven reference immediately. also, when spelling out beethoven i thought of Beet Oven. this reminded me of Dwight Schrute.

    2) every single weight loss or cellulite or stretch mark related facebook ad gets a rating of offensive from me.

  4. If everybody used Apple Abstinence we'd have no more Granny Smiths.