The Burger King first started giving us nightmares in 2005. This was actually only the latest incarnation of the King; he was a cartoon in the 70's and 80's that was equally terrifying in its resemblance to the characters in all the animated Bible movies I had to watch when I was little. And then we were reintroduced, forced to watch as he showed up in people's beds in true Godfather fashion. If this ghoulish mascot and his unchanging smile scare you to the point that you find you can't take part in normal daily activities the way you used to, please
visit http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Am-Freaked-Out-By-The-Burger-King-Guy/164966, and get help.
As the Burger King craze died down, we were then haunted by the money you could be saving with Geico. While Geico is known for its great advertising, I can't let this glorification of stalking and the complete destruction of Rockwell's monumental hit "Somebody's Watching Me" go without punishment (and by punishment, I mean a verbal lashing via blog). Who comes up with this stuff? Googly eyes? For real? Seriously, I bet that we're going to see an entire generation that's incredibly thrifty because they're terrified of money. Why? The trauma incurred by these commercials.
Finally and most recently, we have Quizno's talking oven. Rivaling the creepiness of their singing hamster creatures, the oven speaks like HAL 9000 (the Barry White of the machine world), and tries to seduce our good friend Scott. Actually, I'm pretty sure the commercial only freaks me out because it reminds me of this...
8:48 to 9:45.
So, please Advertisers, stop trying to scare the shit out of us because, frankly, we're too scared to go now anyway.