I must say, I'm quite disturbed by the recent trend in advertising that uses fear and, well, creepiness to sell us stuff. For example...
The Burger King first started giving us nightmares in 2005. This was actually only the latest incarnation of the King; he was a cartoon in the 70's and 80's that was equally terrifying in its resemblance to the characters in all the animated Bible movies I had to watch when I was little. And then we were reintroduced, forced to watch as he showed up in people's beds in true Godfather fashion. If this ghoulish mascot and his unchanging smile scare you to the point that you find you can't take part in normal daily activities the way you used to, please
visit http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Am-Freaked-Out-By-The-Burger-King-Guy/164966, and get help.
As the Burger King craze died down, we were then haunted by the money you could be saving with Geico. While Geico is known for its great advertising, I can't let this glorification of stalking and the complete destruction of Rockwell's monumental hit "Somebody's Watching Me" go without punishment (and by punishment, I mean a verbal lashing via blog). Who comes up with this stuff? Googly eyes? For real? Seriously, I bet that we're going to see an entire generation that's incredibly thrifty because they're terrified of money. Why? The trauma incurred by these commercials.
Finally and most recently, we have Quizno's talking oven. Rivaling the creepiness of their singing hamster creatures, the oven speaks like HAL 9000 (the Barry White of the machine world), and tries to seduce our good friend Scott. Actually, I'm pretty sure the commercial only freaks me out because it reminds me of this...
8:48 to 9:45.
So, please Advertisers, stop trying to scare the shit out of us because, frankly, we're too scared to go now anyway.
I did it. I watched Labor Pains. And it was pretty mind-numbing. However, it did lead me to an interesting fact.
One of the main characters is played by Bonnie Somerville. If the face looks familiar, she's Mona from Friends and that woman who tried to seduce Sandy in The O.C. (also, Cashmere Mafia and that Lifetime movie with John Stamos, Wedding Wars).
If the name sounds familiar, it's because you saw it on the back of your Garden State soundtrack. She sang Winding Road for the indie blockbuster, and this fact has been blowing my mind for days.
AND NOW, I've learned that she's in a charity cover band called Band From TV with Greg Grunberg (Alias and Heroes), Hugh Laurie, Teri Hatcher, and Jesse Spencer (aka na na na na na na na na sheets of Egyptian cotton). True story.
Here's Band From TV. Oh hey, Wayne Brady and Joey Fatone, what's up?
Alright, so you don't have to love comedienne and Emmy-winner Kathy Griffin to know that she pisses off a lot of people and enjoys it. One of her most inflammatory remarks was made in her Emmy acceptance speech. Basically, she told Jesus to suck it, and, shocker, this insulted quite a few people. These insulted people included a group of entertainers from Pigeon Forge, Tennessee who took out an ad against her. Here's her explanation...
(Listen up for her Oak Park shout-out.)
Now this controversy is old news; HOWEVER, a new development has arisen. For if you have been keeping up with the perpetually beloved Duggar family, you know that they recently took a visit to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. I have no proof that they are this particular enraged group of entertainers, but I intend to Veronica Mars my way to the truth. At one point in the episode, they all get together for a big group picture in front of the Pigeon Forge sign, and I can only assume this is the picture in the ad. Unfortunately, I could not find that video, but here's one of them in PF with the one, the only...Dolly Parton.
A quick note to the couple who sat next to me last night at HP6.
Dear Sir and Madam,
I don't know what it says on YOUR ticket, but on mine it says Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. NOT Seventh Grade Make-out Party. Listen, it is one thing to go to a 4:00 showing of Madagascar when it's been out for 6 weeks and eat face. It is an entirely different matter when you decide to go to an extremely popular film on the opening day in an obviously packed theatre and mack the whole time. Seriously, why did you even pay the eight dollars if you were just going to make out and only occasionally detach to catch snippets of that pesky movie going on in the background? Come on guys, this is why God invented basements. And cars. And strategically-placed trees! I came here to watch a game of quidditch, NOT TO LISTEN TO A GAME OF TONSIL HOCKEY.
I'll admit it, today I watched an episode of JONAS!. JONAS!, for those of you who don't know, is the Jonas Brothers' television show. In the show, they essentially play themselves, showing how they balance being rockstars with going to school and being normal kids. There's really so much to say (judge) about this show, but for now I'd just like to share with you the absolute saddest thing I've ever seen on the Disney Channel, courtesy of JONAS!.
You might not have known this, but there are actually FOUR Jonas Brothers, not three, and I'm not talking about Alec Baldwin. His name is Frankie, and he's 8 years younger than the youngest (famous) JoBro, Nick.
Now, of course, if you had three older famous brothers, you'd be super-jealous, right? They get to do really cool stuff like play for the Obama girls and have a 3-D concert dvd while you get jack shit cause you're nine. BUT THEN, they decide to give you a role on their show! Sweet! Except for the fact that on the show you do exactly what you in real life: show up briefly simply to make your presence known and then get the hell out cause your hot brothers have to sing for screaming tweens.
In the episode I saw, Joe Jonas (the one with the Sandy Cohen eyebrows) told Frankie he'd count to ten and then come look for him. Frankie says he knows how to play hide and seek and disappears. We don't see Frankie again until almost the end of the episode when a non-JoBro character opens a cabinet and Frankie hands him a waterbottle. Then, at the very end of the episode, their bodyguard delivers Frankie's mail to him (still in the cupboard), and a leprechaun hunting tv show sparks the brothers' memories. I swear, this kid is like a set of handcuffs away from a DCFS phonecall. Are they supposed to be baby-sitting? Where are the parents? Is Frankie going to find out in an upcoming episode that he's actually a famous wizard and can leave his awful home to go to wizarding school? I guess I'll just have to watch and find out.
Dear Mark Zuckerberg or Whoever Owns Facebook Now,
I know my home phone's been broken for the past week, so it's been difficult to contact me, but I'm on facebook all the time and I have a cell phone, WHY DON'T YOU JUST CALL ME UP AND TELL ME I'M MUCH TOO HAIRY FOR YOUR LIKING? I can't take this whole beating around the bush thing, okay? (What an awful pun.) Just say it. You want me to love lasers and hate body hair and wear uncomfortably low-cut sarongs all the time! I get it. A little honesty would have been nice.
This is an ad for Maybelline's new mascara, Pulse Perfection. It's a vibrating mascara. A VIBRATING MASCARA. How is this in any way a good idea? That's like giving reporters those novelty vibrating pens to take notes with. Or giving surgeons vibrating scalpels. Granted, putting on mascara isn't heart surgery, I get that, but it does take a steady hand, my friends. THANKS, BUT NO THANKS.
So, this commercial seems to be on ALL the time (along with another one that's a close-up of the woman talking), and every time I see it I think to myself, I bet this is what the chick from Stepsister From Planet Weird spent her time doing on her home planet before she moved to Earth to ruin Courtnee Draper's life.
STOP THE PRESSES.* Amy Duggar** is a singer. Amy Duggar has an album. Amy Duggar, as her Web site will tell you about 18 (pun intended) times, has "instant like-ability." And Amy Duggar, judging by the photos on her site, is smoking hot.
I'm just going to invite you to visit AmyDuggar.com and see for yourself, as words can't do justice to the pure joy that is the homepage of my favorite member of the Duggar extended family. And since I don't know how to embed audio clips, and don't really care enough to learn, I strongly suggest you go to her Music page and listen to a clip of one of her hits, "It's Odd, I'm Even."***
I also learned that her stage name is Amy Jordyn. Now, the Web site spells this name two different ways, Jordan and Jordyn. This makes me wonder if it used to be Amy Jordan, and she changed it to Amy Jordyn in honor of her new cousin, Jordyn-Grace Makiya.
Her album is available through her Web site for $14, shipping included. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't considering it. Roommate-former, you now know what to expect for your next birthday.
* I don't know how this cliche applies to blogs.
** Cousin Amy from the TLC program 18 Kids and Counting, for those of you who have apparently NEVER READ THIS BLOG.
*** I haven't decided yet if this post is written ironically or un-ironically; I'm learning toward un-ironically.
As I write this, I'm watching an episode of 18 Kids and Counting, per usual. In this particular episode, Jim Bob is taking his daughters (minus a couple plus a couple randoms) on a camping trip out in the wilderness. [Daughter Too Young to be Included in Trip: What's the will-er-ness? Jim Bob: That means it's out in the boonies].
So when the girls leave on the trip, Jill (pictured at left) is wearing this tangerine-y orange-y polo shirt. From the embroidered logo, I'm pretty sure it's from Aeropostale. My freshman year of college, this girl on my floor gave me that exact same polo shirt. It was a weird situation, I don't think I really knew her, I must have worn polos a lot, her mom had bought it for her and she didn't want it, I think she was all about erasing her carbon footprint or something, it was one of those awkward moments where I couldn't think of a way to tell her I didn't want it so I just took it.
Anyway, I didn't want it, so a few months later I sent it to Goodwill, with the tags still on. From many other Duggar episodes (including an earlier scene in this very episode), we know that the Duggars frequent thrift stores and love a good deal. Hence, my polo shirt made its way to Arkansas and is now being worn by Jill Duggar.
Also, as this series goes on, I've picked up on a lot more sass coming from the Duggar girls. The following conversation could have come verbatim from a me/my co-blogger/a certain blog reader named Colleen conversation:
Some Duggar girl, in reference to a denim jacket that some other Duggar girl is packing for the camping trip: Girlfriend, you will not need this.
First Duggar girl, later, on camping trip: It's getting chilly out here.
Denim-jacket-clad Duggar girl: I'm glad I have this jacket.
Because she is a goddess. Because not only did she star in The Mary Tyler Moore Show and lend her voice to The Wild Thornberrys (who knew?) but she can be spotted in THE STORY OF US (which very well might be the only Bruce Willis film I've ever seen). Because she is a spitfire who swears like a sailor. And because for her appearance on My Life on the D-List, she wore a dog sweater.
After a bit of research, I have learned that yesterday's clip from Boy Meets World (season 4, episode 21, "Cult Fiction"), is the last appearance Anthony Tyler Quinn made as Mr. Turner on the show. Mr. Turner was still alive after the motorcycle accident, but he was shown only in flashbacks in the series finale. To explain where he was for Cory and Shawn's last year of high school, we have today's clip. 2:00 to 2:45.