I talked to Emily Post. She said, "Hey, what's up," and she wants you to stop doing the following:
1. You see someone you know on the street- awesome! And you want to stop to talk to them? Good for you! If you stand in the middle of the sidewalk...refuse to move even though class just got out and there are a ton of people walking by...specifically a girl who has to lug her huge art portfolio around you and your chatty little friend...please prepare to be pelted with a kneaded eraser, a white eraser, and a pink pearl eraser (because my teacher made me purchase THREE ERASERS for class).
2. You and your friends just went out drinking, and you're feeling wild! Superb! I'm so proud for you and your liver. However, the impersonations of the three hyenas from The Lion King that you're performing right outside my door? Unnecessary. I know, surprising, right?
BONUS QUESTION: Name the three hyenas and their voices. All I got is Whoopi.
3. Hey, remember that commercial where the guy tries to save money by calling his dad collect? "Will you accept the charges for 'Haddababy Itsaboy'?" (I'll have my personal copy-editor figure out where all those punctuation marks go later.) That commercial was hilarious! HOWEVER, in real life, if you have a baby, suck it up and call your dad. In addition, if you have important personal news, a text is unacceptable. A facebook message is unacceptable. Pick up the phone. I know it's rough now that 10-10-321 isn't available anymore, but seriously, "u hv the clp" is not okay.
P.S. THREE ERASERS would be a great band name. Dibs.